WHY I BOUGHT IT
He was born under a different name, Archibald or something, but he had it legally changed because Chris Harris sounded better. He didn’t really listen to me, because he’s failed in his bid for speedway glory. This bike has been my secret training weapon. Without this bike, Baker would be ‘The Butt-last’ Baker, and Harris would still be cleaning toilets at McDonalds. I chose this particular bike because it is fast, reliable, nails 12-o’clock wheelies and pulls chicks. Pop a wheelie on this and chicks fall pregnant.
WHAT I DID TO IT
What have I done to it? Well, for starters, I’m riding it. It doesn’t need anything else. But for the sake of clarity, I gave it some new grips (no, that’s not a metaphor) and, thanks to my friends at Bruce Collins Enterprises, I’ve added a Shinko SR267 flat track tyre. It’s just for aesthetics because I can get sideways on anything, anywhere, anytime. And that includes the ladies. Anthony from Proline Motorcycles in Vicco gave the bike a bit of a touch up. He bleeds green, so I had to convince him. I would’ve done it myself, but I’m too busy with my Academy of Riding and Sliding Efficiency.
I think I got the custom ’bar pad in an old issue of ADB in 1983. It also doubles as a coc…. err, tall stubby holder. We took the sidecover off on the right-hand side for better breathing. I also like to leave the chook shit on it so the bike blends in with the environment. I don’t want my prey to smell the predator. I also added a rear-view mirror so I can see my opponents eat my dust.
HOW DOES IT GO?
Like a frog in a sock. Have you ever seen Paris Hilton’s home movie? I wasn’t really a fan, but if she went sideways on the mighty XT-two-fiddy then she probably would have won an AVN, an Oscar of porn. This thing flies, mate, f***ing flies, like my mate Neville Bartos.
SHOULD I BUY ONE?
If your manhood resembles these fork boots when the bike is fully airborne, only then are you truly worthy. with Dylan Ruddy
WHAT 1980 Yamaha XT250
WHO Sultan of Slide
WHERE I GOT IT International arms dealer in Syria
HOW MUCH Do my seven wives read ADB?
